Fed up!

Ok, so this is going to be a pretty rambling moaning post, I just need to vent how I'm feeling.

I'm sick of being inside, I know I'm only 2 and half weeks post op and I need to be resting and whatever.

But I am the most impatient fidget EVER. I can't just lay about doing nothing. 

I've ventured out twice, only to the super market and its left me drained both times.

Why is it doing this!? My body just seems to shut down.

Also I'm turning into a paranoid wreck.

Leg cramps, I freak thinking it's a blood clot.

Stomach pains.. crohns.. which I'll come onto in a minute.

Another thing is my Mums new job. I'm so happy she got it and is enjoying it, cause I know how much she enjoys her job. But in her old job she only worked mornings, in this one its all day. So I'm on my own all day, every day. I don't mind my own company, but I'm getting kinda sick of myself to be honest.

Also my wounds gone all funky, the nurse said it's looking 'snuffy' meaning starting to look a bit infected.

This is what it looked like the day before it went 'snuffy' 

We took the dressing off to discover it has been bleeding...

So, you know the drill DONT LOOK DOWN IF YOU DONT LIKE GRAPHIC WOUND PICTURES.

Gross isn't it.. You can imagine my reaction when I saw it..

I also received my discharge letter from my February admission.

It said abdominal pain, bleeding, sickness and not eating or drinking.. diagnosis... Crohns disease flare up.

WHAT?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

If I had known that 4 weeks ago I would NOT of had a reversal.

I'm kind of feeling a bit miss informed as I thought it was adhesions.. 

I've had pain all day today that feels awfully familiar.

I'm taking all my medication so it's not that I'm being careless or whatever.

I'm scared and again, paranoid. I'm barely eating cause I'm scared that whatever I eat could trigger it off.

And when I do it it's low residue, strictly low residue like my lunch was waffles and gravy today...

Cause although I had surgery to remove more than they thought....

There, thats me! My MRI scan from last week. Thats all my remaining colon and the bottom of my liver. There are 457 pictures so I just chose this one for this haha! 

But yeah although they cut out more than they thought I still have crohns and colitis in there....

So I'm one cheese burger away from pain and puke.. 

I'm even scared of drinking my morning coffee at the moment! 

I just let everything get on top of me. It's a good job I'm on anti depressants so the full weight of how I'm feeling is numbed down a bit cause I dread to think of my mental state if I wasn't on them.

I just feel like strangling whoever asks "are you ok?"

I'm a Gibbs, I'm going to say "Yeah I'm fine"

When I'm really really not fine. Not at all.

I'm scared if I'm honest. Really, really scared.