September 6th is getting closer. I am so scared!
I'm happy how I am. I can live with an ileo quite happily.
I can't go back to how I was. I don't think I could physically handle it.
I was housebound for goodness sake.
I don't really have a choice though, theatre is booked and there is no turning back.
I just want it over with now so I can move forwards.
I've spent the last year and a bit freaking out about this and it's only 3 weeks away.
I've not really managed to voice to anyone how I feel. My family just think I'm being snappy and a bit grumpy, like, whats new?
I can't stand the unknown!
In my first surgery they removed more than they planned due to how bad it was in there.
So the results of this reversal are a complete mystery.
I'm also getting a lot of sickness at the moment, anything I eat, drink makes me feel sick, I've not actually been sick, the ileo seems to take care of that. But I feel so sick it's hard to speak sometimes. Theres a pain on the left upper side of my abdomen just under my ribs, and the pain sometimes goes through to my back. I'm losing weight cause I can't eat (I'm pretty pleased with this fact but not how I'm losing it). I just don't know who to tell or talk to about it!
I'm going to the doctors tomorrow to see if they can help if not I will have to speak to my consultant.
I don't give a damn what they do as long as I don't have to feel like this any longer.
I feel like I'm standing on thin ice thats about to break underneath me.
And I am honestly, so, so scared.