It's so hard to get my head around how I felt this time last year.. its 11am so I was just admitted into hospital. Meeting all those wonderful nurses who cared for me so well.
Absolutely bricking it!
So much so that I needed a pre med to chill me out! Longest morning OF MY LIFE.
But at 2.20pm, they put a line in and I was off to sleep.
Woke up and my whole world was turned upside down. I thought I'd got my head around having an ileostomy. But nothing could have prepared me for what I was going to go through next.
The healing process of having a hole in your abdominal wall, and having an inside out piece of intestine stitched to your stomach is something I will never forget. The stitches ripped on one side, leaving a sore bleeding hole. Took me several days to be able to look at it. Thank goodness for stoma nurses! And my Mum and Dad!
I was in such agony, I slept on the sofa for the first month with the dog sleeping in with me for company.
And when I lay down on my back now, theres a dip on the right hand side of the ileostomy.. where theres a mass of missing small and large intestine. Very odd!
Anyway, the healing aside. I had another battle on my hands.
That of depression.
I was in such a hole. I honestly didnt want to be here anymore. But I suppose your reading this thinking, surely you had all your friends support? WRONG. not one person supported me. I was in this on my own. Had a few texts of 'how are you?' to which I replied 'fine thanks' my robotic automatic answer.
I wasn't and still am not fine.
I was put on antidepressants. They're bloody good! Few months ago I went for a colonoscopy. Last time I was hysterical but this time I sat on the bed chatting to the nurses and my consultant like we were about to have a party...ofcourse I was gonna have a 10foot camera shoved up my butt but thats a whole other story!
I've gotten into such a mess with this depression that I find it really hard to see people, trust people and actually leave the house most days. Anxiety is a prison. And I feel like I have a life sentence!
But I'm working on it!
Yesterday I went to see a dermatologist about the skin around my ileostomy. I'm being put on some steroid cream for 7 days, then going to go back to see him on day 9 to see if I've relapsed. Then well go on from there. Patch testing etc!
Also found out I have another genetic condition my future children will inherit. :(
And a few other issues which I'm not going into right now!
But either way...
Happy 1st Birthday Bruce and new body.
Surgery for reversal in September.